Monday, February 2, 2015

I'm a Contradiction

I don't know how God puts up with me. When I had cancer, I KNEW He could heal me. I had no doubts! I KNEW IT! I just didn't know if it was His WILL. I remember talking to Him about it, saying, I knew He could cure me. And if it wasn’t His will to do it, He'd have to find someone to raise my kids, someone who would love them as much as I do and bring them ALL to heaven. If He could do that, then I’m ready to go. (Just a side note: He could have done that, you know. He is GOD, the creator and inventor of EVERYTHING, after all.)

Then . . . God healed me! Now I'm living my life!!! But there are times, I get in such a tizzy of worry and feeling overwhelmed. Today, I was driving to the store for the umpteenth time and I said out loud, “I’m overwhelmed. I have so much to do, I don’t know how I’m gonna get it all done.”

My little Chelsea (who’s seven, btw) heard me from the back seat and declared, “Take it one day at a time, Mommy. Just one day.” Then she went on to remind me that I taught her that when she’d get overwhelmed because she had to read all those words on one page. She said, “You told me to just read one word at a time and don’t look at all the other words. Just read one word at a time. You taught me that, Mommy!” If she wasn’t in her booster seat, she probably would have patted me on the shoulder as if we were “girl friends” and given me a hug.

My response: “And now you’re teaching it back to me.” She’s my blessing. God is teaching me through her. From the mouths of babes.

Before this, I was worrying about something the other day, and close to freaking out about it, then I remembered to PRAY, asking God what I should do. That’s when Philippians 4:8-9 came to mind:

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, DWELL on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and THE GOD OF PEACE WILL BE WITH YOU (emphasis of all-caps is mine).

It’s so NICE to know God loves me! He answered that prayer immediately by giving me that verse. And He loves me through my precious little girl who re-teaches me the lessons I’ve taught her. I’d say this is also a blessing of homeschooling. She’s reading with fluency now. So, so proud of her! But more importantly, so glad I get to be her mother.

Thank You God. Thank You my precious, heavenly Father for letting me LIVE. Now I just ask for the same kind of faith I had over the great big ugly cancer . . . that I can apply it to these trivial things in life. Silly that I don’t, huh?

One thing I learned about getting sick and not being able to function. Life goes on. With or without you. Somehow, things get done. And what doesn’t get done . . . isn’t the end of the world. Just trust in God. TRUST in HIM. He is able!!!